Getting comfortable with the unfamiliar
Ah, springtime fills the senses! The smell of freshly mown grass, the sound of birds singing, the warmth of the sun on our faces as we sit outdoors. If you’re like me another part of spring is the annual start of spring sports. Unlike others in my life, I never took sports very seriously and, as you can imagine, ended up sitting the bench at most games. I can relate to being a bench warmer and not unhappily so. I was perfectly happy letting others take the field, push themselves to achieve, and receive the praise for their efforts. The risk of being “in the game” was too great, as far as I could see.
This was true in many aspects of my life. I managed to avoid taking center stage and stayed small, not attracting attention to myself. I liked being invisible and organized my life in a way that kept me out of the spotlight. I was a bench warmer in life for years until one day when I realized my life was not working out the way I had planned it. I had gone along with the flow of life, handling challenges as they arose and was quite adept at managing the ups and downs until a major crisis hit. It knocked me down to the ground where I decided to sit for awhile before getting up again.
It was in this spot that I asked one of the most important questions of my life, “What was my part of getting here?” Followed immediately by a second question, “What do I need to do to avoid ever being here again?” These questions set me on a course of self discovery and personal growth that was beyond my comprehension at the time. They took me off the bench and put me on the playing field of my own life. No longer was I playing it safe and staying small. Instead I began taking risks to try new behaviors to bring about new results in my relationships both at home and at work.
Maybe you have been knocked down by life at some point. It’s what we do with the challenging circumstances of our life that determines how we arise and re-enter the game. Will we learn from it or not? Will we seek to understand ourselves and choose to grow or continue to stay in a coping, reactive, or stuck place?
My own personal choice was to grow, and as an accredited life coach I now enjoy helping others learn their life lessons and grow into the people they want to become. We each have a unique gift to give the world and only we can give it. Staying small, playing it safe, sitting on the sidelines, of our lives short-changes not only ourselves, but all whom we come into contact with.
Playing full out and living large can be scary, though. You may ask, “How do I even begin to change my life?” An important first step is to accept that change is uncomfortable. Many people stop moving forward when they begin to feel any discomfort. We know, however, that this uncomfortable-ness is a stage that must be passed through to achieve a new state of being. New behaviors are unfamiliar and strange. Those closest to us may also be uncomfortable with our new ways of being and may create a “push back” encouraging us to remain in our old behavior patterns. Our early efforts to create change in our lives can be lost when we are hit with the double whammy of our own fear around the unfamiliar and the pressure those closest to us can exert to change back. We can retreat into our old familiar patterns in a heartbeat and decide that change is too difficult and frightening to accomplish. When we choose to see the uncomfortable-ness that comes with change as simply unfamiliar we set the stage for success.
Framing it as unfamiliar takes away the judgment and causes us to be open to seeing it simply as something new and unknown. We remain open to the possibility of change and avoid running away from the uncomfortable feelings.
What do you want to change in your life? How will you keep going when it feels uncomfortable? What support do you need to manage the unfamiliar feelings and the potential “push back” from those closest to you?
Start with small steps and move forward into the unfamiliar.
