Have you ever felt like you need a revolving door at your house? I do. This August is a swirl of change as adult children and workmen take turns entering and leaving my world.
My two young adult sons have returned for a precious few weeks to regroup at home base as they prepare to launch into the next phases of their twenty-something years. With their arrival comes bear hugs, avid soccer viewing, Olympiad discussions, mounds of dirty laundry, and various piles of odds and ends throughout the basement as they sort through what they need, and don’t need, on this next leg of their life journeys.
Parenting young adult children is a joy, and a balancing act. Providing a home base where they can ground themselves periodically allows them to reconnect with the unconditional love of family before courageously venturing into new realms. There are new people to meet, new areas to study, new work to be done, not only for them, but for me as well. We ground ourselves in “home” whether that is an actual place or a feeling we experience when we gather together. What grounds you when life brings rapid changes your way? In the midst of new experiences, and the uncertainty and discomfort they can bring, what do you turn to for reassurance and confidence?
There is certainly comfort in familiar surroundings. Our family has been fortunate to live in the same house for much of my children’s lives. As each of us are transforming, though, so is our home. Plans I made this spring to improve the house are now in full swing as the contractor announced he would begin work at precisely the same time my sons arrived home. I couldn’t have planned the synchronicity of these changes more perfectly. Therefore, in addition to the disorganization my returning sons bring, I also have half my household belongings piled in my dining and living rooms while reconstruction occurs in the other half of the house. Disarray is everywhere except for the kitchen, den, and bedrooms. I move through the maze of displaced belongings with blinders on, purposefully ignoring the piles, knowing I can’t do anything with them until the work is finished.
Despite the confusion in my environment, I love watching change occur. Each day I survey the workmen’s progress noting how they expertly transform my space for greater efficiency and beauty. The removal of an interior wall, and addition of a window, transforms the homework area off the kitchen where my sons studied as boys. I briefly mourn the end of an era as this room where I hung their school pictures and artwork from kindergarten through college becomes something new. Blessing and releasing what was, I embrace what is to come as we transform this space, and this house, in preparation for the next phase of our lives.
The dismantling of an interior wall surprisingly exposes a stud with signatures of those who helped us build it when we first moved here. Seeing it, my heart floods with memories of the various ages and stages our family has been through over the past 18 years. My sons’ delight at seeing their father’s signature on the stud and I am able to remember those times with fondness now. When we moved here it was an exciting time full of possibilities. I reflect that we didn’t know when we built the wall that our marriage would end in divorce while we lived in this house. I feel grateful for the pleasant memories, and even for the painful ones, since they brought necessary growth for each of us. We wouldn’t be where we are now without them. I gaze at the other names on the stud and remember friends who have grown distant, but are still dear to our hearts. These friends played major roles in our lives at the time we moved here. I gaze at their signatures and wistfully remember the laughter and joy we shared as we created this space for my home office so long ago. I treasure all the friends who have come in and out of my life sharing the various life phases of raising a family. Now that our kids are grown, our contact is less frequent but I still have deep love and affection for them. They, and others, left their mark on my heart, as well as on my house.
Homes, like people, go through many changes. While our physical surroundings evolve over the years so do we, as a family, and as individuals. We don’t know what lies ahead, and that uncertainty, at times, can be unnerving. Experience tells us there will be a mixture of good and difficult times, for that is just how life is. Trusting in the love we have for one another, and the knowledge that ‘home’ is the feeling within our hearts when we talk, smile, laugh, remember, and dream together, I know I can embrace the next phase of my own life. As our family changes and we venture into new realms, I draw strength from my own growth. Like my sons, I am pursuing my dreams. I continue to become the woman God created me to be. In the midst of change I am grounded and balanced with the process of knowing, accepting and loving myself better each day. In moments when I fall short of that intention, I rely on the unconditional love of God to see me through.
The revolving door of change this August brings energy, hope, and sentimentality as I treasure the past, and look to the future with anticipation. My wish, as you savor summer and prepare for fall, is that you will find what grounds and steadies you in the midst of not only changing seasons but also in the center of each of life’s precious stages.
