….how well do you wait…..
Sometimes the simplest questions are the most profound. If we listed all the things we wait for, how long would that list would be? We wait in lines and traffic. We wait for dinner to cook, time to pass, or weather to change. Sometimes we may even be waiting for other people to change. We wait to have a difficult conversation because we aren’t sure how it will go. With fear and apprehension we wait for just the right time to bring it up and say what needs to be said.
Waiting for things beyond our control is especially challenging. If we can have an impact on the outcome we can minimize, or even eliminate, the waiting. For example, I can choose to get off the traffic laden highway and traverse a circuitous, but lovely, ride home on windy back roads. My satisfaction in my own clever avoidance of the congestion is only topped by the surprised pleasure I find in traveling these slower scenic byways. I am empowered by my ability to choose another option and avoid waiting. Sometimes we have no choice, though.
Waiting for results after we’ve taken the action steps that are within our control can leave us in a state of limbo. Taking the step of getting a biopsy and then waiting for test results affords us time to ponder “what ifs” and feel the fear of an unwanted diagnosis. Situations beyond our control demand that we wait to see what will happen next. We wait for information. Waiting for a distant loved one to arrive home safely is another example. We wait for reunion with those we love. There are times when we’ve taken all the actions possible and we simply have to wait.
The real question is not what we wait for but how do we wait? Do we give into the fear that comes with things beyond our control or do we search for ways to be at ease with the waiting? Fearful waiting can feel like a long dark tunnel. Focusing on the fear takes us deeper into the tunnel and even if we see a light at the end, it can be dim and very far away. Recognizing that there is a choice in how we wait is critical to navigating these challenges successfully. Will we wait peacefully, accepting what is and adopting an attitude of curiosity about what will come next, or will we wait with anxiety and fearfulness? The choice is ours.
When life dishes up events beyond our control it’s wise to fall back to the “tried and true” skills that we know we can rely on. Doing that which we can control provides a calm peacefulness in the face of fearful circumstances. Practicing good self care by taking time to connect to the Divine and others for love and encouragement, nurtures us in times of need. Taking care of the basics by getting plenty of rest, healthy nourishment, and exercise ensures we are strengthened for what lies ahead. Even creating order in our environment can produce calm and serenity as clutter is removed. Mindfully approaching the event beyond our control we can gain whatever information we need, and then consciously choose to accept “what is”. We balance the need to know more with acceptance. We can say, “It is what it is” as we accept the circumstances yet follow it with “I wonder what will come next?” Approaching it with curiosity and openness rather than dread, we can learn and grow from the experience.
It’s not easy. Fear is a normal part of being human. It is an understandable reaction to things beyond our control. What is the antidote to that fear? Acknowledging that fear exists is a good first step to overcoming it. Unable to totally eliminate it, we can minimize it by focusing on whatever generates light in our lives. That which we focus on grows. We can choose to focus on things and people who create lightness. Look for the love, the humor, the serenity to balance out fearful waiting times. Draw on that which is greater than you. In Proverbs 3:5 we are told to “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.” Sometimes we simply cannot understand or control events around us. Trusting in a power greater than us provides comfort and hope in times of waiting. We can turn the tables on limbo and begin to wait for things such as strength, power, energy, and hope. The very words carry lightness. Instead of waiting for the proverbial “other shoe to drop” (for the thing which we are worried about to happen) we wait instead for insight, courage, and the ability to handle it. Choosing to be connected to God (or whatever you call that power greater than us) we remember that there is strength that comes from outside of us. We can draw on that strength through quiet, meditative times and through the people who show up and offer their gifts of presence with us.
So, what are you waiting for today? Is there an action step you can take to begin to affect the outcome? If you’ve already taken an action, and now are waiting for things beyond your control, what will you focus on to lighten any apprehension and fear that may be present? How will you take care of yourself while you wait? Will you choose to wait in peace or in fear? Who can support you in creating more of what you want?
